You already have a first draft written on purpose, warts and all. Today you run that draft through RIP marking (Read it, Improve it, Proof it) and write a clean final beside it.
The marked working and the clean final together are the evidence pack your teacher signs off for M1 KA4. Keep both. A polished page with no trail of what you fixed is not the assignment.
If you do not have a Lesson 23 draft, write about 150 words now before you start RIP: a short work-experience or part-time job recount for a teacher or future employer who was not there. Cover what you did on one real shift or day, one problem you hit, and how it ended.
RIP is three passes: Read it for sense, Improve it for craft, Proof it for mechanics.
| Term | What it means for you | Real example |
|---|---|---|
| RIP marking | You mark your first draft before you rewrite a word. | "The manager was busy. The manager was really busy." becomes one clear line |
| Proofing | Spelling, capitals, punctuation, slips that change sense (after the craft pass). | saturday → Saturday; we was → we were |
| Redraft | The second draft is the clean final, not a fresh start. Keep the marked draft visible. | Clean final written with the marks still in view |
| Sentence variety | Mix lengths and openings. If every line starts the same way, the reader switches off. | A short line after two longer ones to land a point |
First draft (deliberately rough): Last saturday i went to my work experience in the cafe we was short staffed and I had to do the till and the tables it was mental. The manager was busy. The manager was really busy. I liked helping.
Read it: it runs on, and two sentences say the same thing about the manager. Improve it: split the run-on, cut the repeat, add one concrete detail. Proof it: capital on Saturday; we were; café spelling if you use the accent.
Clean final: Last Saturday on my work experience in the café we were short-staffed, so I covered both the till and the tables. The manager was tied up with a delivery, so I kept the floor moving until she was free. By closing I was wrecked, but I knew the shift better than I had on day one.
Your job now is the same three passes on your draft.
Open the activity. Your first draft from last lesson should already be in the First draft tab. Empty, or showing a different piece? Paste your first draft from your portfolio, or use the short work-experience draft you wrote at the start of class.
Mark every problem you can find, then write the clean final in the Second draft tab with those marks still visible. Keep the clean final in the same length band as your first draft: tightened, not padded. Finish with one line on the biggest fix you made and why.
When both drafts are done, copy them into your Communication Portfolio as m1_l24_final_<your-initials> (marked draft + clean final in one file or two side by side). That pack is your M1 KA4 evidence.
Read your clean final once more, then work down the rubric. Choose a level for each row. Anything below Strong needs a short comment that points at a line. End by naming the one fix you would still make if you had ten more minutes.
The rubric levels stay in this activity. Copy only your priority line into m1_l24_final_<your-initials>, beside your marked draft and clean final.
Talk this through with the person beside you, or sit with it for a minute:
If you want a longer note, put it in your Reflective Journal later, not on this page.
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