You already have a full first draft of your poem, song or rap. Today you revise it with three named passes: truth, sound and shape.
Open the draft check you made in Lesson 106, if you have it (m4_l106_draft_check_<your-initials>). Keep the one priority you named there in view: one of today's three passes should fix it.
You keep the first draft visible beside the revised version. That is the point: revision you can see is craft you can prove, not retyping. Today's revised draft is working evidence you store now; the polished page next lesson is what banks KA2.
If you do not have your first draft from Lesson 106, write a short 8–12 line stand-in poem, song or rap on a personal topic now, then run the three passes on that.
Revision is three different jobs, done in order. Do not try to do all three at once.
| Term | What it means for you | Real example |
|---|---|---|
| Truth pass: does each line say what you mean? | Cut or rewrite lines that tell feelings instead of showing them, or that hide what you actually wanted to say. | Deleting "I was sad" and keeping the detail that made the sadness real |
| Sound pass: read it aloud. | Change anything that trips, flattens, or fails to land. Rhythm and hard sounds matter in a poem, song or rap. | Swapping a soft word for a sharper one so a line hits harder when spoken |
| Shape pass: does the form serve the meaning? | Line breaks, verses, white space and refrains should hold the turn, not decorate it. | Breaking a long sentence so the pause sits on the word that matters |
Worked example (written for this lesson, not your piece):
First draft
Leaving felt big and hard
I stood at the door with my bag
My sister said nothing really
The house was quiet and sad
I walked down the road alone
I will never forget that day
After truth, sound and shape
I stood at the door with the bag
already half out of the hall.
My sister folded a tea towel
and did not look up.
The latch shut
louder than anything she could have said.
Truth cut the vague tell lines. Sound tightened the rhythm. Shape put the silence on the last line.
Now do the same three passes on your own first draft. Keep the first version where you can see it.
Your first draft from Lesson 106 opens in the First draft tab of the activity below. Run the three passes in order: truth, then sound, then shape. Mark what you would change, then write the revised version in the Second draft tab, and use Both, side by side to see the two together.
If something else is in the First draft tab, or nothing is, replace it with your first draft: paste it from m4_l106_first_draft_<your-initials> in your Portfolio, or type your short stand-in.
When you finish, press Copy for my portfolio and paste it into your Communication Portfolio as m4_l107_revised_draft_<your-initials>. It holds both drafts and your marks, so the revision shows. This is your working revised draft; KA2 banks next lesson when you polish the final page.
Read your revised draft once, then work down the checklist. Anything below the top level needs a specific comment. Finish by naming the one change you will make before next lesson's polish.
Talk this through with the person beside you, or sit with it quietly:
The longer thinking can go in your Reflective Journal after class.
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